What Restaurants Taught Me About Building Communities

My parents met in hospitality.

Dad was a chef, Mum a waitress.

I grew up surrounded by the concept of kitchens and in my early adulthood worked in theatre, and live events.

On the occasional school day off, my dad would wake me early, before placing me on the back of his motorbike and we would zoom off to his kitchen. Surrounded by the stainless steel, helping to prepare eggs for breakfast, or serve lunch to awaiting customers.

My wife and I love to host dinner parties, where she carefully prepares a feast and I focus on the pre-meal cocktails, the wine pairings and the soundtrack.

Just like a great restaurant or dinner party, a great community doesn’t happen by accident. It’s designed, curated, and intentionally hosted.

Ten years ago, I co-founded Steadfast Collective - a development studio focused on leaving the internet better than we found it.

But about five years in, I hit a wall.

A mentor asked me one question that changed everything: “Which projects bring you joy?”

It was clear that the ones that centred on community was the underlying thread.

Since then, we’ve doubled down.

• Two books on community platforms

• A community dinner club in London

• Platforms used by millions

But more than anything, I’ve realised this:

It’s time to stop looking online for inspiration, and look outside (to the real world).

The internet as we know it is only 30 years old.

But community pre-dates biblical times.

Sharing a meal, having shared experiences and having a common goal or interest, it’s nothing new.

Look up and look out to the physical world. There’s thousands of years of experience and learnings, we just need to start noticing.

So how do we take inspiration from real world user experience?

Let's look at three moments in a guest's journey that map beautifully to community: Arrival, Tone, and Positioning.

1) Arrival

Think about walking into a restaurant.

Someone greets you. Takes your coat. Shows you where to sit.

You don’t have to guess.
You feel welcomed, considered.

Your community landing page should do the same:

• Clear message

• Strong visual identity

• Who it’s for, what’s inside, how to join

• No vague promises. Just clarity and intention.

The difference between “meh” and “magic” often lies in those first 10 seconds.

2) Tone

Ever sat in a restaurant with no music and you can hear the next table eating? Or worse, blaring music that makes conversation impossible?

Tone is everything.

In physical spaces, we use décor, music, lighting.

Online, we have:

• Copy

• Colour

• Layout

• Spacing

• Voice

Even a simple welcome email or onboarding message can change everything. A short video. A free download. A kind tone.

At our roundtables, I always start with this:
“We’re here to champion each other, to be open, and to swap stories—not business cards.”

That one line sets the tone. No one’s here to pitch. We’re here to listen and connect.

3) Positioning

What’s going to encourage people to stay? To belong? To buy-into the experience you are offering?

For the restaurant, perhaps it’s the fantastic food, the experience or the ambience. What helps people to feel as though they want to stick around?

What’s are your members looking for, the small boutique restaurant, serving a niche set menu, or the expansive chain where you can pop in, get your meal in a box and go?

Both are great, but very different.

Different people are looking for different things and clarity over your positioning in the market is key.

So, next time you walk into a café, train station, or restaurant - pause.

Notice the welcome.
The tone.
The positioning.

Then ask yourself, what can this teach me about my community?

What real-world experiences can you learn from today to shape and transform the way you act as maitre d to your community?

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I shared this insight at CMX, in 2025. CMX is America’s premier community event, where community managers and leaders from around the globe gather.